Poemander

To lead the people, walk behind them.

How tears melt without a trace,

Protracting furrows through the years,

They second everlasting grace

Dueled from chase with diminutive fears.

Like spears at the point of impact,

Inflicting damage to the visceral dimensions,

Words congregate to form a pact,

To promptly hemorrhage the best intentions.

Who did encourage us to act this way?

Free will's a burden to free living.

A privilege to see the light of day

We mortgaged with entitlement to willing.

Old friends have changed into a vapid mob.

Defying the fluidity of nature.

With great cupidity had they oneself to rob

Of life, abiding insensate nomenclature.

As good as dead, we immolate

What's rife, what's sentient and feeling

Not even tiny bit of shame, we imprecate

The very virtue of forgiving.

Deceiving, we're ourselves deceived,

Entrapped with our own entrapment.

By loss of own sense bereaved,

Immured we are inside a self-imposed confinement.

Behind this fence it is the land of dead,

I've searched out for the living.

Ignored were beating hearts instead

To silence out the dealing.

Much unappealing is the word of truth

When ignorance concealing

Much easier behind the walls of rules,

In volumes of fine print up to the ceiling.

You entered this abode through doors of hope.

Got shackled down with chains of unfulfilling doubt.

In hiving reasons mindlessly grope;

Reflections in black mirrors make you proud.

No doubt, I'm beyond the reach,

Just trust, no rope can hold us bound.

The truth of matter is a gapping breach,

This let alone, will all the rest confound.

The door swung open and the puff of breeze broke inside the house. With no invitation and the audacity of a bandit it went foraging the startled bookshelves, desecrating the frail ashes in the fireplace and sabotaging the frightened curtains. I sat heedfully in the chair, the bed was empty. Wind noticed me and even had a nerve to sneak under my collar trying to grab me by the neck; however, I resolved to sit still and it left empty-handed.

I've always been wary of winds, they have this power to daze you bringing about their own radical ideas into your seemingly organized world. And should they discern your perturbation, they'll immediately get hold of your livelihood and begin to unfurl it by pulling away your energy as if it was a proper jib sheet. Winds are the rascals, thats sure.

In the door stood she. “Hello!”. Silence. “It's been a while”. “I know”.

“Hiding is silly: we can smell fear”, she said. I knew that too, but didn't reply; she knows whatever I know anyways. Agonizing. Chatter is agonizing. We sit. Wind whistles.

Some doors serve as entries, some are the exits; they can even be both depending on which side you stand. Yet, there are doors which are none of these. Such doors are the ones that you never attempted to open...

“Names. Names have been fixed”, said Lilith.

“Names? Only fools need names, for they remember not who they are”, replied wakeful snake.

Sound of a maiden sobbing out in the wind. Willows are weeping.

“Fates. Fates have been decreed”, said Lilith.

“Fates? A bow knows no fate other than it's arrows”, replied wonderful Anzu gathering the young.

Sound of an ax splitting wood outside. Leaves, branches are falling. I guess it's time.

“Vor dem Gesetz. Why? Why put they lives before the law? My gate is open. And who are the judges? People? Those people know no law, they totter, vacillate at open door in palisades of life. Come in!

Don't hesitate. The living is a matter of opinion, instead, in courage do we find law: all else is diminutive fluke, recourse of wishful thinking. Gods too, are not dissimilar to flies: in summer they're all over you, yet winter comes and they all gone, no one remembers them. The law is in this wind of change, likewise it is eternal.

In cowardice, opinion of the masses to they cling, for dreadful is to go own way. I know too well, I learnt that too, and no, there is no other way. Conceived as barren as the wind, not burdened with the fate, available, unprejudiced and free; hence, I refused to procreate. I am the law, perennial and just, thus uttered I being first, so forth my call is last.“, said Lilith.

Last – lust- lussttt, whooshed the gigantic ax outside.

“Hands behind your head! Down on your knees!”, the raiders stormed through the entrance. “Search embers! Strip curtains! Destroy books!”, splashed out the bitter ordeals. “Seize the chair, the bed! The Chair and the Bed!”.

“Brave are the ones who walk through the doors unknown”, said Anzu to the young flying out the hole in the skylight.

“Yet dwindles their bravery in the face of those who have the courage to wedge their doors wide-open”, said wakeful snake on the fall of an axe.

She, who is going out, knows the gate. She keeps it open so that it is neither the entrance nor the exit. Neither it is a gate per se; it is a void.

Those who have entered are finding themselves locked out of exits. Those restless in the bed are locked out. Those dozing in the chair are locked out. Those in the knowing are locked out. Those seeking embers are locked out, and it goes without saying that the hardest doors to assail are the doors that are wide-open.

The gate is patent. Patent and wide. We set sail. Boat glides skimming the lascivious tongues of monstrous waves. They are devouring like wolf, striking like lion. Strong. Strong and beautiful. Her unloosened hair is awash in spray..

We love people. They are so naive. They think they can change things by calling them different names! Each time. Different. Yet the same. They think they can solve by killing! Each time. How childish. Yet we are here. Coiled and desolate we are in this perpetual embrace.

Wind calmed. Embers in the fireplace still glowing with a waltzing flicker. Books on the shelves, oh well. Curtains asleep. Snoozing in the chair. Bed empty.

Not every answer has a question.

Why search for yesteryear's snow

When streams run plenty in succession

Perpetuating life as owe?

Why dig through junk of yesterday

With such astounding devotion

When all I need is simple notion,

The flood of inundating yes? Today,

Say yes, tonight I would not bear

The draught of unrelenting no.

The night has taken hold, beware,

It is too short to wedge this woe.

Say yes to dreams, I know you witnessed,

I know you dreamt of stars last night.

I brought a handful, taste the sweetness,

Leave bitterness in broad daylight.

Say yes to rains, let them pour,

Wash penitence from their face.

Oh how much longer to endure

The grip of limiting embrace.

Release, relieve me of this care,

I'm limitless, I'm vagabond, I'm stray.

Had you tenacity to spare,

Now have the audacity to make away.

We use words. We use them for obvious reasons: communicating, understanding, learning. But what is obvious when the words themselves aren't? To find, one needs to go beyond the confinement of words and associated them concepts. This is, however, easier said then done. Words define us as we attempt to define them. They are just like algorithms which define the programming of a computer; words provide us with this convenience of a certainty and a commonality of the outcomes in our reasoning. Words establish structure and the parameters of thought. Thus, unsurprisingly, the verse, “in the beginning was the word” directs us to our origin in an explicit language – the programming.

To understand ourselves we need to understand what lies beyond our programming code. Computer is confined in the parameters of its algorithm. Can it move beyond it? Yes, if it is provided with another algorithm. The same happens when we learn a new language, we move beyond our parameters but only to find ourselves in a new, somewhat unfamiliar, but generally quite similar structure. But is computer capable of 'knowing' itself outside of its code altogether?

Here is one rather simplistic and an idealised example. Picture a computer programmed solely for playing chess, it only has the soft with an algorithm to play chess. It does, however, have strong capabilities for processing and dealing with the other types of tasks, but it is not 'aware' of them as it was only ever fed with one type of programming – playing chess. The only world this computer 'knows' is the world of chess. It was even made aware of the names of characters: king, queen, knight, pawn; even the name of this world, which it was told, is in fact a 'game', called 'chess'. This computer has no idea of the definitions beyond functionality, no idea of how these parameters came about, no idea of what 'game' means. We can argue that this computer can potentially get to 'knowing' its capabilities through use, i.e. its processing speed, random access memory, volume of storage as it uses them in 'figuring out' the chess moves. But isn't it like if we would have expected a runner to understand his, say, dancing capabilities by only running. A runner may have a good 'awareness' of his legs, stamina, strength of his body, but only as it applies to running, not dancing.

Now, lets feed another programming to the same computer – a card game. For this to work there must be either a 'switch' between 'chess' and 'card game' or a 3rd set of algorithm which allows the selection between games or an option to run both games simultaneously.

A 'switch' is a complete shift – from the world of 'chess' to the world of 'playing cards'. It involves 'dying' and 're-birth' of computer's 'awareness' from one game into the other. A 3rd algorithm, on the other hand, introduces a new dimension, a plane view, where both worlds of chess and playing cards can be easily reconciled and coincide together. This, however, doesn't solve the problem of getting out of the parameters, because the 3rd algorithm becomes itself a new and an absolute parameter, i.e. the whole world. This can be carried on indefinitely by introduction of the new 'plane view' dimensions, but the 'awareness' continues to be trapped within the structure.

When it comes to a 'switch' there must be a gap, which presumably holds no parameters. It is, therefore, only in this gap where an entity have a potentiality for real awareness of the self. Within any set of parameters the awareness is curtailed by the programming language and the entity cannot become conscientious of it's real self, save the avatar which it is represented by within these parameters.

The word understanding means 'standing in a midst of' (prefix under is from Sanskrit antar – between). Literally, one needs to stand in between, or in the gap, as the case may be, in order to understand or become aware.

We can argue again that upon 'switching' back to the 'chess' mode, the computer will have an access to its memories of a 'playing cards' mode. But since the computer is now completely and totally emerged in the 'game of chess' it has no 'inclination' on checking those memories which would appear completely 'out of this world' to it in a current state. In a similar pattern, our mind would reject the distant dreams upon waking up.

dream holds memories of the past and of the future, a is the origin of you as well as your destination. The dream is the reality that sips through your consciousness undetected: it is a gap, a gap between being and not being, a gap between you and me.

Does wind still whizz when you don't hear?

Will love exist if I'm not here?

Forever is a mere drop that fills the ocean through the top.

And if you see no flame but fire

Would you conclude that my desire

Is just an evanescent prop

Pegged to a shabby, frayed backdrop?

I have no need to bring this forth,

Like waters take no stake in froth.

A dog may bark up the wrong tree,

But there is certain undeniability.

In things you see and sounds you hear,

You feel that something's very near,

Like something's real and intact,

I don't deny, but don't subtract

The seeing from seer and vice versa.

There is no line to trace with cursor.

An old precursory contract between the actor and the act.

We often think that times ago

The world was not that which we know,

But did you not at least suppose

That knowing so affects the cause?

And if you shift beyond convention,

Gossamer of a strange dimension

Entangles fiction with the facts,

That which creates and which destructs.

Zoom in and take it even closer:

Cocoon entrapping, eerie monster

Beneath your eyes prostrates it's prey.

It is your hand that halts the day.

Long fangs you sink to cull the body,

In human terms this you would call samadhi.

But all expressions, time and space

Serve some conceptual disgrace.

We're preconceived, we span much wider.

We reach far corners like a spider.

We weave the web of our wills

Into reality which fills each crevice, casement, distant hills.

The game is old, but play still thrills.

It spills

Down from the stage, and acting feels like all there is,

Like death is that and life is this.

But none is that: all folly play and draped coulis.

A concept of money sprung from private ownership. Privacy means distinguishing whatever is mine, his, hers, theirs. Money itself is a token for quantifying and distinguishing what is mine, yours or theirs. Prior to private ownership there was public ownership which isn't at all an ownership but rather a public custody requiring no money as there was nothing to distinguish.

Let's see if this makes any sense:

In the proverbial golden age everything was one. Earth and sky were intimately connected with all humankind who would see themselves as an integral whole (not part) of everything in existence. Appropriating anything for oneself would have been unthinkable as there was no individuality in the sense of 'I', 'You'. 'He and She' would have not been even vaguely conceived as a possibility, even God or Cosmos could not have been thought of in terms of concept the same way a child in the womb would 'know' her/ his mother better than anyone else without even being able to think of 'mother' as a separate person.

In the silver age humans and other conscious kinds would begin recognizing themselves collectively, but not yet individually. It is as if the newborn would start noticing and paying attention to others approaching and leaning over the cradle. He/ she would possibly distinguish, intuitively, that those are in fact 'they' and here are 'we' (me and mother without yet knowing the two separately). Any discomfort or pain could not be attributed to internal or external factors. No need for anything could be felt except for the most immediate needs and unless in the immediate spot of attention. So this would continue gradually improving self-consciousness while also loosing that earlier intimate interconnectivity until becoming that of a toddler.

At this level, metaphorically, the bronze age would start and last until the adolescent years, except that the timescale would perhaps have been the opposite to our example with the golden age being the longest and shortening span for each of the subsequent ages until reaching the shortest, iron age. This could still be very true if considering a non- linear scale of child development with the earlier period experiencing the most profound changes and thus bearing greater significance. I have no intention on being time-exact here and hardly anyone could, but lets return and see that something notable has happened in the adolescent years, be it bronze age, third root-race or simply the time when humans found themselves completely individualized, matured, no longer provided for by their parents. This could as well be the time of so called 'original sin' which we commonly connect with eviction from Eden (parents' house?). One can also argue that the 'expulsion from Eden' best coincides with the moment of birth, i.e. the expulsion from mother's womb and the end of the golden age.

Nevertheless, please remember that the actuality of such an allegorical event here is far less important than the reality of the emotional and physical toll it embeds. This 'extradition' may have as well happened at the end of each era signifying the dimensional fall and greater concern with the materialism vs spiritualism. But the main takeaway here is the feeling of guilt that such fall implies. Was it not the time when people first experienced indebtedness to their patron, be it God, Cosmos or the progenitors? This feeling of guilt is truly the root of our present worldview, it is woven into every interaction, every motif occurring between people. It is indeed the origin of all such concepts as 'debt', 'obligation', 'right', 'duty', 'money'. Interestingly enough, the word 'debt' etymologically is rooted in word 'sin', whereas the word 'money' can be traced back to the word 'guilt'. So money and values in general have always been connected to perceived indebtedness.

From the accomplished individualization, or materialization if you would, now people could experience the separateness which was never felt so acutely. Now they are separate not only from the rest of nature, but also from their own selves. Every move now involves a dealing, crossing the line 'self' and 'others', a transaction involving debts and favours. Privacy has emerged as a very basic concept. Immediately came the money as a quantifier of these transactions. No, I don't imply that this happened at once as a breakneck fall from the sky, and the arrangement has gradually moved from the public to private ownership, but It took only one word consisting of a single letter “I” to turn things upside-down.

What is this public ownership, someone may legitimately ask since it is completely forgotten and not even vaguely imagined? The best word to describe it is 'custody'.

Not completely individualized, not completely 'materialized' humans acted as custodians to everything around them including themselves. They still knew their connection to nature and cosmos, they themselves felt pain if they were to hurt someone, yet they would still take whatever they needed regarding it as custodian fees (in our sense) and the means of continuity. They needed not to say 'thank you' or seek 'favour' since they were taking from themselves and giving back to themselves. Indeed, certain aboriginal languages do not have the words for 'please' or 'thank you' for the very same reason. Neither there would be a deliberate crime, at least none of those acts would be considered 'criminal', be it a theft or even a murder, no matter how harsh and 'barbaric' it resonates with our current understanding.

I intentionally avoided the use of word 'communism' which must have sprang in your mind while reading earlier lines. The reason to it is very high possibility of misunderstanding, while also a fundamental difference of a 'custodian' aspect in the provided example with the communism in a broader philosophical sense. The custody here mentioned may well underpins the idea of communism yet invalidates it as a misguided interpretation of the very same basic concept of universal interconnectivity and cosmological order. It is a mistake trying to explain communism from the position of socio-economic relations as if suggesting that the density of trees in the natural forest is explained by supply and demand for timber of the same country: of such proposition even the reverse correlation is only half true. One cannot measure his foot and assume that the same was applied to the building of pyramids. Instead, one must disconnect as far as possible from all sorts of present measurements and assumptions. Under these conditions only there may be a possibility of 'seeing through' the veil of time and concepts.

Let us revise our basic assumptions: do we think that the main guiding principle of humans existence is self-interest? Could be the same said about the animals, insects, plants? How about the cells, molecules, atoms or, say planetary bodies? Does the Earth rotates around the Sun because this way it receives the most and provides the least, or the Sun shines because it is under an obligation to do it? Could it perhaps be because the Sun simply likes to shine, something it 'enjoys' doing? Maybe the Earth too rotates because it 'enjoys' it? This is now quite fundamental. What do we think is the guiding principle of existence; the profit seeking and self-interest or the love and enjoyment (doing something with love has to be an enjoyment)? This question is and has been the greatest conundrum of morality, religion, politics you name it. However it if far simpler than you may think and before you jump to conclusions, I must say that I think it is both, but really, it doesn't matter which one. The only thing matters is how big is the self. If the self is only as big as a person's brain, then everything outside of it is profit seeking. Even a dealing with the own body becomes a matter of commerce. If the self is as big as the universe, then everything is enjoyment and love (self love seems perfectly fine in this context). So, how big are we? Can we expand ourselves out of our brain and perhaps include our entire biological body or even stretch it to the size of a family? Maybe to the the size of community group we feel attached to or even a nation? How about humanity, nature, or perhaps the world?

So the custody we are talking about here is nearly as big as Cosmos. It is not concerned with a particular type of asset or resource, be it land, labour or even the humankind. It is only concerned with the linkage, the linkage that protohumans clearly realized existed between them and the land, the sky and everything else past, present or future, all in the same moment. Their living and dying, dancing under the stars, every step is the tribute to this linkage. They do not owe anything to anyone and do not expect anything in exchange, whatever transpires between them and surroundings is only in tribute to this cosmological interconnectivity. The beneficiaries to their custody are not even the future generations, the only beneficiary is this cosmological continuity existing eternally outside of time and in the present moment.

Taking this macro view, can we now at least hypothesize that the described worldview has taken place in some distant past and the 'evolution' is in fact a process of individualization occurring on a grand scale throughout the entire Cosmos?

Can we also see ourselves from that perspective as fragmentations of a far larger undivided global consciousness? Now, just imagine that this whole process is merely a perceptional bias and the 'thing in itself' has never changed. What we are dealing instead is the 'shrinkage' of perception. This perceptional bias is here to be altered at will at any time as you please, yet for the humanity and world as a whole it seems to be developing on a particular trajectory. The question thus, what is this trajectory and where it leads? It seems to me that there is no better answer than a circle.

The straight lines are often the product of our current perception, whereas nature has a specific favour of cyclicality. Continuity too is best described by the circle. Be it in fact a spiral, figure 8 or an ellipsis is a next consideration, but let's assume that an expansion will follow the contraction. Will our perception has further to shrink? Quite possibly, yet the expansion is coming and it is going to be evident from the changes in openness to new ideas